some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
