he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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