I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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