remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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