Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
