Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ttyl tear gas
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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