if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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