Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize