Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
