I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
