why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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