I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
