Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
