I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
