It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
