I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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