Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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