I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
