Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
