Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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