oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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