I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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