She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
