Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
