Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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