I wish I only lived at night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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