I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
