We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
