I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
