he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
