Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
