she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
