So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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