You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
