you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
