I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
