Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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