I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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