forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize