1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
