JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need to stop coming to work sober
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
