Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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