It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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