Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
