I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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