You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
one two three fourrrrnication!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
