I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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