Whats the glycemic index on semen?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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