Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
