guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
