Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you had me at cake vodka
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
