I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
