it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
