He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
