could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Pants are for mortals
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
