she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
