2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
