I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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