i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
