we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize