are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
