This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Barsexuality is the new black.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
