I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
