my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
