I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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