Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
