tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
