I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
