I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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