And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
