As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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